The Matrix muppet script

What happens after Revolutions? Is there another Matrix, is there everlasting peace? What were the alternative storylines? What were other characters' stories? Deus Ex, City 01, Apoc, Switch, Merv... Let your imagination go wild in here, maybe even write the Matrix 4 script!...
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Seraphim
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The Matrix muppet script

Post by Seraphim »

THE MATRIX…

Booger: ”Yeah?”

Trinity: ”You placed the order?”

Booger: ”Yeah, this is the third time you’ve asked, Tripple Cheese Mc Bacon with a large Coke, stop annoying me”

Trinity: ”Hehe, I just felt like bugging the crap out of you”

Booger: ”How nice. You like him don’t you?”

Trinity: ”Who?”

Booger: ”Ronald Mcdonald. Who do you think stupid, that Cleo guy”

Trinity: ”Don’t be ridiculous”

Booger: ”We’re going to kill him, understand?”

Trinity: ”WE’RE GONNA KILL RONALD MCDONALD?!”

Silence.

Booger: ”How dumb are you? THAT CLEO GUY YOU TART”

Trinity: ”Oh ok, puh, you scared me there man. But hey, Markeus believes he is The Dude”

Booger: ”Do you?”

Trinity: ”It doesen’t matter what I believe”

Booger: ”You don’t do you?”

Trinity: ”I heard that!”

Booger. ”What?”

Trinity: ”Are you sure your pants are clean?”

Booger. ”What? Of course I’m sure”

Trinity. ”You farted, I heard you, haha. Crappy pants!”

Booger. ”I better go”


It is a calm night, a horde of cops flock outside of an apartment building, eventually going inside quietly. They move like shadows through the narrow halls, flashlights illuminating their path while itchy trigger fingers tremble. They approach room 303 carefully. They kick the door down and point their flashlights toward a girl with her back to them, sitting in front of a computer.

Outside a yellow car pulls up, and three men in green suits get out and walk over to a cop.

Shmity the clown: ”Lieutenant, You were given specific orders, and where is my Big Mac?”

Cop: ”Yeah, uhm, don’t give me that juris-my-dick-shit,-fuck,-ass-piss-tion crap, you can cram it up your bungaloo. And yeah, about the burger, I completely forgot.”

*Cop burps*

Shmity the clown: ”The orders where for your protection, and you ate my burger didn’t you?”

Cop: ”Ok rednose, I think we can handle one little girl, lol. I sent two units, they’re bringing her down now. And I just couldn’t take it, I was so hungry. Sorry.”

Shmity the clown: ”No, doughnut boy, your men are already…deaf. And don’t say lol, please. And what do you mean, couldn’t take it, you wuss.”

Cop: ”Like, whateva”

The Clowns Jonesy and Browney move into the building.

Inside room 303 the cops are screaming at Trinity to get up. She gets up, she is wearing a bright pink leather outfit, and then it is unleashed, the squeaky voice of doom.

Trinity. ”Hey guys, what’s up?, Oooooh cute guns, can I try, pleeeease, pretty pleeease, hey hey those hats do NOT match those shoes at all, oohhh you’re cute, what time do you get off?!!”

The cops drop their guns and cover their ears and then Trinity beats the crap out of them. She picks up her phone and calls Markeus.

Trinity. ”Markeus, they found me, I don’t know how”

Markeus: ”Hm, let me give you a hint. It might have something to do with that trail of cracker crumbs you left behind, but hey, I could be wrong. Oh, and the hardline is cut, total bummer. So you’re just gonna have to get moving to another exit”

Trinity: ”Oh crap, are there any clowns?”

Markeus: ”Yes”

Trinity: ”Crap shit fuck piss”

Markeus: ”Use the force Lu…Oh sorry, been watchin them Star Wars movies again, but seriously, you have to focus. There is a phone at ding and dong, you can make it”

Trinity: ”Yeah ok”

Markeus: ”Go”

Trinity drops the phone and runs out into the hallway. She stops for a second and looks into the face of Browney the Clown as he appears at the opposite end. She starts laughing and runs away, onto the roof with Browney chasing after her. They jump across rooftops and suddenly while in the air Trinity takes out a purple umbrella and soars down to the street, landing near her exit.

She runs for it, but Shmity the clown comes racing toward her on a big tricycle. Trinity runs into the phonebooth and barely makes it as Schmity crashes into it.

Browney the Clown: ”She got out”

Schmity the Clown: ”Woot, really, huh, I didn’t notice, stupid. It doesen’t matter anyway!”

Browney the Clown: ”Hey hey, it’s not my fault you’re so damn slow, burger boy”

Jonesy the Clown: ”Hey hey, guys, stop fighting, we’ll get her next time ok. My place later, beer, prostitutes, what do you guys say?”

Shmity the clown: ”WOHOO!”

Browney the Clown: ”like, YAY!”

Shmity: ”But shouldn’t we get a search started for that Cleo guy?”

Jonesy the Clown: ”You guys go ahead. I’ll take care of it, see you at my place in say, two hours?”

Shmity and Browney in unison, ”You the man, man"

And then they honk eachothers noses.

Cleos Apartment.

Cleo sleeps in front of his computer. Suddenly the words, wake up Cleo, appear on the screen.

Cleo yawns and keeps sleeping. More words appear.

Helloooooo, waaake uuup, noooow please, Cleoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!…

Cleo opens his eyes, looks at the screen and sits up.

Cleo: ”What?”

Hey man, finally, The Matrix has you…

Cleo: ”Shiiieeet!”

Follow the white stain…

Cleo: ”What the hell, what stain yo?”

Knockeliknock knock Cleo…

Suddenly the words dissapear and someone knocks on his door.

Cleo gets up and opens the door. It’s his buddy Bhoi and Co.

Cleo: ”You’re two hours late”

Bhoi: ”Yeah”

Cleo: ”Yeah”

Bhoi: ”Yeah?”

Cleo: ”Nevermind. You got the money?”

Bhoi: ”Yepelidoo, two grand” He gives Cleo the money.

Cleo closes the door and walks over to his bookshelf and pulls out a book, the adventures of winnie the pooh, in which he has two Snickers bars stashed. He takes them out and puts the book back. He opens the door and gives Bhoi the two Snickers.

Bhoi: ”Hallelujah, you’re my candy man. My own personal Chocolate Christ”

Cleo: ”If your mom sees you eating those…”

Bhoi: ”I know, this never happened, you don’t exist”

Cleo: ”Correctamundo”

Bhoi: ”Something wrong man? You look a little whiter than usual”

Cleo: ”My computer it…”

That’s when Cleo saw it.

”Hey, speaking of white, that is one messy stain you got there on your jacket”

And then he remembered the words on the screen.

Cleo: ”Ooh, OOH, WHOA SHIT, THE WHITE STAIN!”

Bhoi: ”Ok, it seems someone’s been at the Mescaline again”

Cleo: ”No way! Oh and I almost forgot. Do you ever have that feeling where you’re not sure if you are awake or still dreaming?”

Bhoi: ”Yep, definatly mescaline”

Cleo: ”Still like, no way man”

Bhoi: ”And the stain is her fault”

Points to Dojour.

Bhoi: ”She just had to stop for kebab on the way over here. Oh well, we’re going out. Bye”

Cleo: ”Can I come with you?”

Choi: ”Don’t you have work tomorrow?”

Cleo: ”Work shmirk, I have to follow the stain”

Choi: ”O…k, lets go”

They arrive at the club. Everyone there is dressed in really bright clothes and having a blast, dancing to the tunes of The Beach boys. Cleo stands alone in a corner, when suddenly a girl with blonde hair, dressed in a bright pink outfit approaches him.

Trinity: ”Hello Cleo”

Cleo: ”Eyyy, wait a sec, how you know dat name?”

Trinity: ”I know a lot about you”

Her squeaky voice send shivers down his spine.

Cleo: ”Cool, who are you?”

Trinity: ”My name is Trinity”

Cleo: ”Trinity… THE Trinity? The one that cracked the IRS d-base?”

Trinity: ”Well, yeah, why do you ask? Are there more Trinitys running around?

Cleo: ”Cheezus”

Trinity: ”What?”

Cleo: ”Nothin, just thought of how much I miss that funny commercial, you know, THE CHEEEZIER SNACK! And yeah, I thought you were a guy”

Trinity: ”Most guys do”

Cleo: ”Have you met MOST guys?”

Trinity: ”No”

Cleo: ”Then you can’t really say that MOST guys think you’re a guy, what basis do you have for such a claim?”

Trinity: ”Nevermind. Right now all I can tell you is that you’re in danger, and I brought you here to warn you”

Cleo: ”What about?”

Trinity: ”They are watching you Cleo”

Cleo: ”Woot, who is?”

Trinity: ”Could you please be quiet and listen, fool. I know why you are here Cleo, I know what you’ve been doin, I know why you hardly sleep, and why night after night, you sit at your computer. You are looking for him, I know because I was once looking for the same thing. And when he found me he told me, I wasn’t really looking for him…

Cleo: ”Cool, you don’t really know what you’re looking for, but that other guy that you thought you were looking for, does, whoa, major weirdo factor”

Trinity: ”Can I continue please, huh, is that ok, you done?”

Cleo nods. She moves closer.

Trinity: ”I was looking for an answer. It’s the question that drives us, Cleo, it’s the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did”

Cleo: ”Actually, I came here tonight because my friend had a white stain on his shirt, and someone on my computer told me to follow the stain and…hey, wait a minute, it was you wasn’t it, on my computer?”

Trinity: ”Duh, now back to the question”

Cleo: ”Ok, what is the Matrix?”

Trinity: ”The answer is out there Cleo, and it will find you, if you want it to”

Cleo: ”Cool”

To be continued!
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Seraphim
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The Matrix muppet script continued

Post by Seraphim »

Neo wakes up late in the morning and looks at his clock.

Cleo: ”Oh shit, this is like, so much shit yo, no way, shit, I’m late!”

Cleo gets out of bed stressed out of his mind.

Cleo: ”Oh shit yo, where’s my Mickey Mouse socks?”

Cleo is now standing in front of his boss, Mr Whinetart.

Mr Whinetart: ”You have a problem with authority, Mr Sanderson, you seem to believe that you are special, that somehow the rules do not apply to you. Obviously you are mistaken. This company is one of the top software companies in the world, because every single employee understands that they are part of a whole. Thus…if an employee has a problem, the company has a problem. The time has come to make a choice, Mr Sanderson. Either you choose to be at your desk, on time, from this day forward, or you choose to find yourself another job. Do I make myself clear?”

Cleo looks at the office window, there are two window washers outside, his eyes are completely empty.

Mr Whinetart: ”Mr Sanderson. Hello. MR SANDERSON!”

Cleo snaps out of his trance like state.

Cleo: ”Whoa Mr Whinetart, don’t harsh my mellow like that, sheesh”

Mr Whinetart: ”Did you hear what I said?”

Cleo: ”Sure. I have special authority and some rules don’t apply to me because you think I’m special, and this company is really hot, like major around the world popularity goin on, and if a guy that works here is mistaken about something, then the company has a problem. So yeah, crystal clear Mr Whinetart, like sparkling clearness all around”

Cleo sits in his cubicle, playing with his Turtle action figures.

Cleo: ”Take that Shredder man, hayiaa, whoa, Raphael put your eye out with some super Sai action, what up bitch, what now huh, you’re gonna eat so much shit it’s fabulastic”

Suddenly he hears a voice behind him and turns around.

Fed Ex guy: ”Lorenzo Sanderson?”

Cleo: ”Yo”

Fed Ex guy gives him a package and asks him to sign a paper, which he does.

Fed Ex guy: ”Have a nice day”

Cleo looks at him as he leaves. He then looks at the package for a few seconds, shakes it, then he opens it.

Cleo: ”Whoa, a new phone, that’s like…right on”

Then the Crazy Frog tune starts playing and Cleo flicks the phone open.

Cleo: ”Yo?”

Markeus: ”Hey Cleo, do you know who this is?”

Cleo: ”No”

Markeus: ”Well, guess”

Cleo: ”Uhm, ok wait, let me think, ooh, ahh, no, uhm…oh crap, I need a clue”

Markeus: ”You have been searching for me for a long time”

Cleo: ”Like, no way…Hulk Hogan, I’ve been wondering where you went dude, you like ruled the wrestling world man!”

Markeus: ”No, it’s not Hulk Hogan”

Cleo: ”Oh”

Silence.

Markeus: ”It’s Markeus, slowboy”

Cleo: ”Oh, that’s cool too”

Markeus: ”Thanks. I have been looking for you Cleo. I don’t know if you’re ready to see what I want to show you, but unfortunately you and I have run out of time. They are coming for you Cleo, and I don’t know what they are going to do”

Cleo: ”No way, who is coming for me?”

Markeus: ”Stand up and see for yourself”

Cleo: ”Yo, like right now man?”

Markeus: ”Yes, do it slowly. The elevator”

Cleo: ”What about the elevator”

Markeus: ”Look at it, fool”

Cleo: ”Oh ok”

Cleo stands up and looks at the elevator and sees Browney, Shmity and Jonesy coming out of it. He starts laughing and ducks as the three clowns look in his direction.

Cleo: ”Oh shit”

Markeus: ”Yeeeeeeeeeeees”

Cleo: ”What the crapio do they want from me?”

Cleo covers his mouth as he tries not to laugh.

Markeus: ”I don’t know, but if you don’t want to find out I suggest you get out of there”

Cleo: ”How?”

He keeps giggling as the clowns approach his cubicle.

Markeus: ”I can guide you but you must do exactly as I say”

Cleo: ”No prob bob”

Markeus: ”The cubicle across from you is empty”

Cleo: ”Ok”

Silence.

Markeus: ”Hello?”

Cleo: ”Yeah”

Markeus: ”Hide in the empty cubicle, stupid”

Cleo: oh, ok, but what if they…

Markeus: ”Go, now!”

Cleo: ”Ok ok, harshness level is like, way over the top man”

Cleo runs into the other cubicle and hides just as the clowns come round a corner. They stop and look into his cubicle, and then look at eachother.

Markeus: ”Stay here for just a moment. When I tell you, go to the end of the row, to the office at the end of the hall, stay as low as you can”

Cleo: ”Righteo”

Markeus: ”Go, now”

Cleo gets out of the cubicle and manages to get to the other room.

Markeus: ”Good. Now, to your left there is a window, go to it”

he hears the sound of honking noses outside the door and he starts laughing violently again.

Markeus: ”Shut up fool, they’ll find you”

Cleo ”Can’t…help it, hahahaha!”

Suddenly Shmity the clown comes through the door and Cleo hides the phone behind his back.

Shmity the clown: ”Mr Sanderson”

Cleo: ”Yo, what up?”

Shmity the clown: ”What is that behind your back, Mr Sanderson?”

Cleo: ”Nothing”

Shmity the clown: ”Then show me your hands”

Cleo shows his right hand.

Shmity the clown: ”Show me, your other hand, Mr Sanderson”

Cleo puts his right hand behind his back again and shows his left hand.

Shmity scratches his head and thinks for a few seconds.

Shmity the clown: ”Show me, both hands, at the same, time, Mr Sanderson”

Shmity now sees the phone.

Cleo: ”Whoa, where did that come from?”

Shmity the clown: ”Who are you talking to?”

Cleo: ”Uhm…Bon Jovi”

Shmity the clown: ”You know Bon Jovi?”

Cleo: ”Well, no, Bon Jovi just happened to work at the pizza place I called. I mean come on, you can’t say it was unexpected that he would eventually end up as a pizza guy or something, his music sucks yo”

Shmity the clown: ”Hm, you got a point there, but still, let me talk to him”

Cleo: ”Why?”

Shmity the clown: ”I want to make sure you are not lying to me, Mr Sanderson”

Cleo: ”Yo dude, you like his music don’t you!”

Shmity the clown: ”I most certainly do not”

Cleo: ”Ok, whatever you say man, whatever you say”

Cleo hangs up. The clowns put yellow handcuffs on him and then he is shoved into their car. Shmity sits in the back with Cleo.

Shmity the clown: ”That wasn’t really Bon Jovi, was it?”

Trinity watches the whole thing.

Trinity: ”Crapidoo”
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Trug
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Post by Trug »

ROFL I wrote something like this. I'll put it in fanfic sometime.
In the shadow of a memory, life becomes legend.
Existence goes on, but the myth will never end.
Passing down the story to the next of kin.
I'm kept here in the darkness, where I have always been.
Felix
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Post by Felix »

Oh shit. I am currently crying. I read that and my friend thought I was having a fit or something. There were moments in that that made me laugh. A LOT. Keep writing it!! It's like verbal prozac!! XD
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Seraphim
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Post by Seraphim »

Felix wrote:Oh shit. I am currently crying. I read that and my friend thought I was having a fit or something. There were moments in that that made me laugh. A LOT. Keep writing it!! It's like verbal prozac!! XD
Haha cool, thanks! I'll write more when I have time, but then again, if I never take time, how can I ever have time LOL! :P
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Post by Felix »

Haha cool, thanks! I'll write more when I have time, but then again, if I never take time, how can I ever have time LOL!
Heheh... good question - try googling it? XD
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